Tuesday, February 13, 2018

The Displaced Daughter (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)

The Displaced Daughter

Born to a set of parents, but with one, an agenda was set to entrap to become a means to an end.

The agenda was set into motion to use the birth as a way to move oneself from a less than desirable situation which would immediately suspend.

Grew up in a seemingly normal home and learned many things to be productive in life and this is true.

Yet, was always compared to someone else instead of being encouraged to be the authentic and lovable real you.

Love was always conditional and had to always stay in line and this was a fact.

No, a perfect child was not, but a good one with less emphasis placed on worth and more on how to act.

A flea had more self-esteem than this daughter as a child because her true potential no one could see.

She always wanted the approval of others but was often overlooked so to the side she would be.

Frequently punished for any little thing because she was not perfect, and her best was never good enough.

She dared to show any emotion for when it was shown, dismissal was the result, so she learned to be tough.

A tear or look of hurt was counted as being fake, but no one cared about its foundation so that she could heal.

This daughter learned to put on a face in front of others instead of displaying emotions for no time to be real.

As a child, she was told that she was dealing with crazy and one day she would find out how much so.

A mother with too much emotional baggage led her to count the days till she could legally hit the door.

This mother had more personalities than colors in the rainbow that came to the surface on any given day.

The daughter would often stay in her room to find safety away from the unstable mother when her father was gone away.
Oh, how she longed for him to come back home but the mother would fuss and argue at him before he’d get to lay.
The mother was upset with the hours he worked and when the lights were out, her daughter she’d called on.

Didn’t care that her daughter had to go to school in a few hours but made her stay up, so she was sleepy in the dawn.

Most parents would scold a child for eating out of the garbage and would not be appeased that their cleanliness turned south.

Yet, as a teenager this daughter cooked some lumpy grits and was made to eat the regurgitation from her sibling’s mouth.

Yes, such disgust and many may find it hard to believe that a mother would do this but to God as a witness this is true.

The mother threatened the daughter not to tell her father, but it stayed in her mind as if it were something new.

Trust was a word the daughter learned early on was lacking in the mother or she’d regret the decision she’s made.

Never let your guard down was always in the daughter’s mind or she’s soon find out with mother she’d get played.

As the daughter grew up and became a woman the relationship with her mother grew from bad to worse.

The mother had the same characteristics as her own narcissistic mother passing to her generation which was a curse.

People only saw the sweet personality of what was displayed and for her remarkable role a Tony should have been won.

If only they could have taken a look behind the red curtain they could have seen the truth, and most would have been done.

“You are no good daughter” was some of the words spoken by the mother for years with no real compassion or love.

“I hope you get cancer” was something else the venomous mother told her daughter – words from hell but not above.

Often blamed for things that was not her fault and made to feel that she owed a debt just because she existed.

The daughter had to keep hope alive and faith in God because that is what kept her afloat as she tirelessly persisted.

The daughter finally got tired of the mother’s abuse and decided that she would not take it anymore.

Helping others who were victims became a passion for her by telling her own story so that others could soar.

It is sad when the woman who is supposed to love you is the one who is your number one enemy of all.

Nevertheless, you must find your own unique beauty inside and validate yourself because the narcissistic mother’s heart is like a stone-brick wall.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Time to LET GO! (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)

Time to LET GO!

Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. (ESV)

Many people hang on to toxic relationships when it is really time to LET GO. They feel as if they will be losing out on something or that they may be left alone when in fact, they have been flying solo in the relationship for a long time. Unfortunately, by the time many come to the realization that they have invested too much time in the relationship, they are often left with deep wounds and scars in need of healing. Nevertheless, it is better to be late leaving than to be sorry in the toxic relationship. That relationship can be family, friends, associates, coworkers, church fellowships or any relationship that causes more harm to you than good. Here are 10 signs that it may be time to leave a relationship:

1.)    Your emotional deposits are greater than your returns. You may have given have invested your all into this relationship, but it never seems to work. The more that you invest, the increase of an emotional deficit that you find yourself with. In this case, you are depositing 100% and the toxic individual with whom you are involved with is only giving 10%.

2.)    Your anxiety increases when you are around this person. You may find that you are experiencing feelings of anxiousness and panic attacks when this person is around. You are never at a state of peace in their presence, but the tension is causing you to suffer psychologically to exhibit outward symptoms. This type of stress is unhealthy and may cause you additional problems in the long-run if left untreated.

3.)    You feel as if you have to hide a part of yourself from the toxic person. Everyone has the right to be their authentic selves around those they care about and/or interact with. Toxic people, however, try to control and manipulate you into accepting that your existence is only for their pleasure and that any independence or self-awareness you may experience is absurdity at best. You have the right to be who you are and have people around who embrace that part of you.

4.)    They bring out the worse in you. Toxic people can turn someone who has the patience of Job into a crocodile. You may have been patient with them for a long time as they did nothing but tear you down repeatedly, and yet, they will make you look like the villain once you do explode because it was their plan all along to transfer their negative energy onto your you and get their narcissistic supply.

5.)    Your best efforts in the relationship always seem to fall short. There is only so much that you can do in a relationship as a solo act. If the other person never recognizes and acknowledges that you have been trying to make the relationship work by being a listening ear, communication, attentiveness, supportive, and/or self-sacrificing, then your relationship may need to be reexamined to see if it is conducive to your needs.

6.)    Your mental and/or physical health begins to deteriorate. Many people have been diagnosed with high blood pressure, ulcers, had brain aneurysms, or some other health debilitating illness that may have been linked to being in an unhealthy relationship. The toxic person does not care about you, so you must care about yourself and get out of an environment that is not both emotionally and physically healthy.

7.)    You self-isolate to avoid conflict from the toxic person in your life. Toxic people do not like for you to be happy. Therefore, they will do whatever they can to sabotage your happiness.  Therefore, they will pick a fight with you concerning your friends and/or any type of support that you may receive from others outside of the relationship.

8.)    Your accomplishments are never celebrated but you become an object of competition. Most people in a healthy relationship will celebrate one another’s achievements in life. Unfortunately, with a toxic person, congratulations is more like their beginning of a track race. You are competing against a competitor of whose race you never voluntarily entered.

9.)    You feel happiest when you are away from the toxic person’s company. You find that you are like the mouse who plays when the cat’s away. You find that you are in a state of peace and happiness when you do not deal with the toxic party.

10.)      Your self-esteem is so low that you feel as if you have bottomed out. Being in a relationship with a toxic person can have damaging effects on your self-image. You may find that you doubt yourself. You do not feel as if you are ever good enough. You do not trust your own judgment independent of the opinion of the toxic person.

Getting out of a toxic relationship is never easy especially if it involves those closest to you such as a parent, sibling, or friend. Nevertheless, if you are at your wit's end and feel that you need to take a time-out from this relationship in order to know how to proceed with your life, we encourage you to do so and as always, take everything to God in prayer.

Monday, January 29, 2018

The Outer Limits with the Narcissistic Clueless

The Narcissist’s Poisonous Tongue (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)

The Narcissist’s Poisonous Tongue 

Proverbs 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (NIV)

            A poisonous snake has a small venomous sac that is connected through its fangs and located in its head behind the eyes. The mouth, head, and eyes of the snake are all connected to poisoning a person who may be the unfortunate recipient of one of their bites. If the victim is bitten and does not receive immediate medical care, they will surely die. The abusive words of a narcissist (narc) are just as deadly as the venom of a poisonous snake. It may not kill you immediately, but it breaks down your emotional health slowly and for some, it has led to an actual physical death through the victim turning to suicide, drugs, alcohol, sex, and other self-destructive tools. The outcome for all who are poisoned by the narcissist is an emotional death.

            Narcissists are very unhappy people who cannot find anything joyous in their own lives and therefore, seek to destroy the emotional health of another person. The things that they may project on to their victims is actually what they feel about themselves. They may feel that they are worthless, unintelligent, and unlovable so, in an attempt, to make themselves feel and look good, they deflect their low sense of self-worth on to their victims. They must make themselves feel good at all cost regardless of who they harm. Therefore, when they belittle and demean others, this is a direct reflection of themselves and what they see in their own mirrors.

            The narcissist is never content with their victims being at peace with themselves. They must make you beat yourself down based on their distorted image of you. For their victims to display any type of happiness is a slap in the face to them. They cannot and will not stand for it because they are the masters who decide when and if their victims should be happy, and in the case of the narcissist, that day will never come. Due to their inability to be happy, you do not have the right to enjoy life according to them. It is sick – I know, but this is the true nature of how their minds work. Victims of these type of individuals, in many cases, must conceal their happiness in order to be happy. To allow the narcissist to partake in any type of happiness in your life will normally be a regretful event because the narcissist is sure to ruin it.

            Narcissists are very effective in using words that will cut the very fabric of who you are as a person. If the narc knows about your past failures, they will use their mouth to torment you about it even if you have made a radicle change. If you have accomplished various goals in life, the narc will be sure to mention the one goal that you may not have successfully fulfilled. If you are working on a new project, the narc will be sure to tell you all the pitfalls as to how it will not be a success for you. If you have a good support base from your friends, the narc will be sure to dissect them in order to make you doubt their genuineness. If you have traveled to the ends of the earth, the narc will remind you that you never made it to Mars. Do you see how they use words to break you down?

            The best way to deal with narcs is to deplete their information base and limit their ability to speak poison into your life. You do this by not telling the narc ANYTHING concerning your personally. Limit your conversations with them so that you will not be entrapped by what they ask and what you tell. Treat them as the snakes that they are because they do not care about you but are only looking to gain valuable information in order to use on you at a later date. Also, do not allow them to speak into your life. Many people have listened to what the narc has had to see which caused their demise. The narc has nothing that you really need to entertain that will add happiness to your life. Therefore, you have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in the narcissist’s court of law. In their courts, you get no attorney or fair trial. They are the judge, jury and prosecuting attorney all rolled up into one. Keep that in mind and you will save yourself a lot of future heartache.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Hiding in the Shadows (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)

Hiding in the Shadows

Luke 8:17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. (NIV)

            Psychological exploitation is a type of abuse that often hides in the shadows. It even alludes most of the 5 senses because no one can see it, no one can smell it, no one can taste it, many do hear it, but the target of the narcissist can very well feel it because it touches their heart and shatters it into a million broken pieces. The type of psychological abuse that is received from the narcissist crushes the very foundation of your soul. Many go through life being depressed, having anxiety, dealing with feelings of low self-esteem and believing that they are unworthy to be loved because they were psychologically traumatized by a narcissist. This is worse when the narcissist is your MOTHER.

            “No one is supposed to talk ill about their mother.” Many people believe this because they may not have been subjected to the abuse that was done to you by your narcissistic mother. Mothers are supposed to be loved, cherished and honored – in normal cases, but what happens when that mother does not love, honor and cherish YOU? Oh, society has Mother’s Day to celebrate mothers and give them recognition. Unfortunately, many wounded daughters have a hard time during the month of May to even find something that would be suitable as to not display their real feelings. You may go up and down the aisle trying to read through the cards to find the right one that does not have the heartfelt sentiments that are for the daughters who have loving mothers. You only wish that you could feel the way that the cards often read, but to be honest, it would be a lie for you to even purchase, place a stamp on it, and mail.

            Most people do not understand your plight even if you were to tell them because they could not comprehend the fact that some mothers are unloving. Many daughters hide their feelings in the shadows because of what others may think of them if they were to tell their truth in regards to their mothers. The competition, the constant criticism, belittling, lack of empathy, total disregard for your feelings, unending displeasure with you as a daughter leaves you feeling insecure in the world as you try to make sense of it all.

            Many daughters of narcissists have taken the vow of a childless life even though married because they were afraid that they too would be the monsters by which they were raised. You try to rationalize the reason that your mother could not possibly love you the way that you deserved to be loved, but this does not make the pain go away. You bury it, allow it to hide underneath all the accomplishments you may have achieved and/or the disappointments that may have followed you because the quite convincing argument keeps running in your mind that if Mother could not love me, then no one else will.

            As a daughter, it is so important to remind yourself that you are NOT your mother. Her demons do not have to become yours. You are absolutely worthy of love. You do not have to hide your pain in the shadows any longer because your feelings do matter. The lie that you cannot expose the psychological abuse that was done to you by your narcissistic mother can stop NOW. You can only heal once you admit what you feel. If this means confronting the situations of your past by talking to someone who can truly help you then it is time to come from behind the shadows. You deserve to be, feel, and know that you are loved. You deserve to shine.

Monday, January 22, 2018

20 Signs That You Are Either Dating or Married to a Narcissist (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)

20 Signs That You Are Either Dating or Married to a Narcissist

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (ESV)

            Many of us have made the mistake of dating and/or marrying a narcissist. We found ourselves giving more than what was being reciprocated in the relationship. We thought that if we could just do more, be better, look better, and/or accommodate the needs of the narcissistic partner more efficiently then we could win them over and that he/she would somehow change. Unfortunately, it was like trying to make your bed while the Titanic was sinking. Regardless of what you tried to do, the ship was going down.

            If you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist, you may be asking yourself the following questions:

Why can’t he/she love me?

What am I doing wrong?

What do I need to change in order to receive love?

Am I good enough?

Being with a narcissistic partner will chip away at your sense of self-worth and will leave you depleted emotionally. The only way to know how to keep this from happening is through educating yourself to prevent future entrapments with these types of people. If you are dating someone who is a narcissist, you may want to reconsider your stake in this relationship so that you will not subject yourself to years of misery should a marriage take place. For those who have already taken the plunge into marrying a narcissist and you do not know how to deal with this person, there may be some things that you can do to establish boundaries but as we know, narcissists do not like boundaries. Therefore, this may present itself to be more of a challenge when actually married to these types of individuals.

            Let’s look at 20 signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist so that you can either flee to the hills or set boundaries to keep the Narc from running you over completely. Here we go!

1.)    Lack of commitment to the relationship. The narcissist wants you to be totally committed in the relationship without the commitment being reciprocated. This is why victims of narcs are often cheated on and lied to because the narc wants the benefits of the relationship without the investment that is required on his/her end. One person is normally the giver and the other is always the taker. In order for there to be a thriving relationship, it takes two people, but in these types of situations, each person is typically flying solo. Relationships take work on BOTH sides.

2.)    Attempts to isolate you from friends and/or family. One major red flag that a relationship is headed for trouble is when the narc tries to isolate you from those who love, respect and appreciate you. This goes against who they are as an individual. Therefore, if they see that you have a good support system, narcs consider it as a major threat. They may not start out at the beginning as being this way, but as the relationship progresses, you will notice that the narc has a problem with everyone you love. You may hear settle complaints about this one and that one until there is no one left to isolate you from. Their insecurity is disguised under the umbrella of concern and love. The narc will tell you that they are looking out for your best interest when it is only his/her own interest in which they feel compelled to protect.

3.)    Belittles your accomplishments. Narcissists love to be the center of attention. They crave it as an addict craves crack. Therefore, when you accomplish something in life such as a job promotion, obtaining a hard-earned degree, or some other long-awaited success, the narc will seek to have you suppress your feelings of pleasure with regards to your achievement. Narcissists will also take credit for what you have accomplished. They may say, “Well, I told him/her to go to school,” but you were the one who went to class, wrote the papers, did the research, etc. They will make sure that they are able to insert themselves as being part of your success at some level.

4.)    Devalues your feelings. Empathy is one virtue that narcissists do not have. They may imitate being an empathetic person who gives selflessly of themselves, but in actuality, this is only a disguise. For narcissists to acknowledge your feelings, especially when you are addressing something that they have done wrong to you, is for them to face the fact that they are imperfect people. Narcissists do not like having to look at their short-comings. They will make you feel as if you are not entitled to have any type of feelings and/or emotions that are contrary to what they want you to believe. Narcs do not take constructive criticism well and will retaliate against you for expressing any type of dissatisfaction towards them. By the time you’re done expressing your feelings to a narc, they will have you scratching your head and feeling as if you are the one who is crazy.

5.)    Never wishes to address problems. As mentioned previously, narcissists do not want to address issues that will contradict their twisted ideology of themselves. They have a grandiose view of themselves and desire for others to see them as being perfect people. It is easier for a narc to avoid problematic conversations rather than come up with a solution. Mirrors are a narc’s best friend only when they are distorted to hide their true character. A person wishing to address a problem within the relationship is showing the narcissist a mirror of their flawed character which does not sit well with the narcissist. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to the narcissist. Therefore, do not think that you will win a round when it comes to having the narcissist change their ways. Before they admit that there is a problem, they will make you become the villain while they play the role of damsel in distress.

6.)    Deflects their bad behavior on to you. Deny, deny, deny is the motto of a narcissist. They will know that they are dead wrong and yet, they will never admit to it. For example, you could have found undeniable evidence that the narcissist is cheating, and they will blame your failure to lose 10 pounds as to the cause for their infidelity. You are always to blame when being in a relationship with a narcissist. They never own up to anything.

7.)    Withhold affection as punishment. The narcissist loves to control their partners. Withholding affection is one way that they are able to do so. Wives, for example, have been known to withhold intimacy from their husbands as a form of showing their displeasure with something the spouse did such as not taking out the trash. Those in dating relationship may be given the silent treatment for a time by not receiving any phone calls, texts, etc. The narcissists know the things that you love and will use it as a way to control you by withholding that very thing until you submit to whatever it is that they want.

8.)    Tries to make you jealous of others and/or former relationships. Nothing can ruin a relationship successfully like jealousy. Narcissists use jealousy as a way to get attention, cause strife between you and your support system, and to control your sense of independence and value. They may say something like, “All our friends think that you are crazy to let me go.” You may have good a reason to leave a relationship and/or set new boundaries, but they will use triangulation to make you feel alone, insecure, and to make you doubt your ability to make good decisions that affect your life.

9.)    Use intimidation to control you. Narcs are emotional bullies. They like to control their partner if they know that he/she has low self-esteem and have been successfully isolated. They attempt to make you feel as if they are your last hope at happiness and should you leave him/her, no one will treat you as they do. Well, in the case of being in a relationship with a narcissist, you should surely hope that is the case. Their attempt to intimidate you is actually showing their own fear and insecurity that you may eventually dissolve the unhealthy relationship and in so doing, they will have to find a naïve source of new narcissistic supply.

10.)                        You feel as if you are in the relationship alone. It takes two to make a relationship work, but you seem to be putting in overtime while your partner is barely coming to work. Narcissists only think of themselves and what works best for them. They apply this selfishness in all areas of their lives. It is always them first and you second. You would be wise to learn and take to heart the famous saying of never allowing someone to be your all when you’re only their option. If you find that you are alone in a relationship, then you probably need to reevaluate things and make it materialize for those who are single and dating. If you are married, this can be a little trickier, because we are not advocating divorce, but you will have to definitely pray and ask God how to proceed.

11.)                        Takes no interest in your happiness. Narcissists are only about themselves. They could care less about what makes you tick. When it comes to relationships, there should be a compromise on both sides. For example, Bill may like to go fishing, but his wife, July prefers to work in the garden for relaxation. In a healthy relationship, even though both parties prefer opposite things, they may compromise where at least, twice out of the year, they will accompany the other in doing something that they take pleasure in. Being in a healthy relationship involves compromise. Narcissists, do not like the idea of compromise and will often demean their partners for desiring something that is contrary to what they want and/or desire. Again, this is due to the narc being about only themselves.

12.)                        They dominate the conversation. It is not wise to get into a debate with a narc. Your chances of winning the lottery are better than having the narc to view anything logically regardless of how compelling the argument is. To avoid hearing you out, the narcissistic partner will dominate the conversation so that you cannot get a word in. They are not really interested in what you have to say. You may even find that when addressing your concerns to them, it is like having a prerecorded conversation where they already have an answer and rebuttal for you. When on the dating scene, you can spot a possible narcissist if all they talk about are of themselves. They never leave room for you to enter the conversation because they want you to know how “awesome” of a person they are and how lucky you would be to be involved in a relationship with them. If you find that you are about to get involved with someone like this…RUN. If you don’t, the selfishness will increase to every aspect of your relationship and before you know it, it will be like an untreatable and incurable cancer that spreads to vital organs.

13.)                        Personal information is used to hurt you during a disagreement. Narcissists do not play fair. They will aim to hurt you at any given chance. You must be careful what you tell the narcissist. They are sure to use it against you at a future time of their choosing. It can be the most innocent of things and they will find a way to twist it for use as an emotional biological weapon. This is why some of the worse breakups are those with whom partners have told their most intimate and darkest secrets to. Someone in the former relationship uses those secrets as weapons to hurt the other party in an attempt at revenge.

14.)                        Their ability to charm and love bomb confuses you while you know there are  

            major problems. Narcissists will use gifts, sweet words, and acts of kindness in order to keep their partners from leaving the relationship with no true intentions of changing the error of their ways. They do not wish to lose their narcissistic supply of which they have heavily invested in through acts of manipulation. Therefore, they will use anything they can to prevent the other person from leaving. Partners of narcissists will often be deceived by these acts of kindness into thinking that the narc has changed. Narcissists cannot change what they will not admit to. They also need to get help in the areas that they are deficient in. For example, if a woman has anger problems and has a history of becoming physically violent with her spouse but has not gone to therapy to resolve her anger issues, the husband can be sure that no change has been made and the anger will be reignited the first chance made available. Love is an action word but words with no action are useless.

15.)                        Promises of change are made but never fulfilled. Narcissists will promise their mates that they will change when they know that there is a real threat of losing their partner. They will promise you the moon but will never make reservations with NASA to get there. Therefore, people involved with a narcissist must evaluate their actions and not their words. Do not be so quick as to jump on he/she has changed bandwagon. Trust should be earned and not freely given. There is nothing wrong with giving a relationship time to build trust especially if it has been broken in the past. Never be afraid to be alone so that you can see if that relationship is for you. People can change but narcissists rarely do because they are incapable of admitting to themselves that they are in need of help. Their idolization of themselves makes it impossible for them to recognize the need for authentic change. Narcissists are able to roleplay well so do not be fooled by them nor their empty promises.

16.)                        You are made to feel as if the narcissist is the commanding officer and you are the lucky armor bearer. Throughout history, commanding officers were known to have a few of their subordinates called armor bearers to carry their weapons of war to the battlefield. They were the commanding officer’s righthand man who would finish off the enemy at the commanding officer’s request. Narcissistic partners tend to act as if their mates are holding honorary positions whose goals are only to serve them and to make them look good in the process. Narcs will make you think that they are doing you a favor by being with you and that your chances of finding anyone else are slim to none. Therefore, you must take anything that they tend to dish out at you because the fish pool in their eyes is nearly depleted when it comes you to finding a good mate. This is a bunch of hogwash! Nevertheless, it would be better to be alone on an island than to put up with narcissistic abuse where you are never loved and emotionally mishandled.

17.)                        Their main concern is their self-image. The narcissist will throw you under the bus if it means protecting their self-image. They have the charm, liability factor, and often appeal to the public as being good-hearted individuals while they go home and abuse their spouses verbally, emotionally, and/or even physically. They do not care what you think of them just as long as others think well of the false image that they have often portrayed. This is why many spouses fail to report abuse for fear that no one will believe them. The narcissist can convincingly fool others into thinking that his/her victim is the one being the aggressor by using their bait and catch switch at the right time for others to see. The cunning narcissist will bait their mate into an argument and have a witness on standby who did not see how the argument began but heard the after effects of what the narcissist actually did. Therefore, the narcissist goes away looking like an angel while their mate is made to look like the Incredible Hulk.

18.)                        You are degraded for showing any signs of emotions. We are revisiting this because you may find that you are made to feel as if your feelings do not matter. Well, they do! Narcissists try to diminish the essence of your very being. You are never allowed to show are say what you are actually feeling. They would rather you bottle it up than to open up and try to gain some perspective on your relationship. They will call you over emotional, super sensitive, and gaslight you into thinking that your reality is not real. You have the right to have feelings because they are very much real to you and that’s what counts. Anyone who can disregard your feelings is not worthy of being in any type of relationship with you. If you cannot be respected for having an opinion or feelings contrary to someone else’s then that relationship is not for YOU.

19.)                        Boundaries set are never respected. Narcissists do not like for you to set boundaries. They feel that rules apply to everyone else but them. A narcissistic husband, for example, may get upset with his wife if she says that she does not want him staying out late with his single friends, not calling within reason to let her know when he’ll be home, taking money to spend on unnecessary items instead of paying bills, name-calling during an argument, etc. Most people would agree that these are reasonable boundaries that need to be set and yet, for the narcissist, this is unacceptable. They feel that they have the right to do whatever they wish in a relationship and you are to just accept it because after all, they are royalty and to them, you must bow. If a narcissist cannot accept your reasonable boundaries as to how you should be treated, they do not need to be involved with you. Allow them to take their cubic zirconium crown and find another castle to take residence.  

20.)                        Have a sense of entitlement. Narcissists act as if you owe them something because they are God’s gift to society. They may not have earned your trust and yet, they expect it. They may have defamed your name and yet, they feel that you should honor theirs. They may have abused you in many ways but expect you to remain silent and stay in the toxic relationship. They may have isolated you from others but expect you to always have a smile on your face. Yes, these crazy individuals are coo-coo for cocoa puffs because they do not have any sense of loyalty to you but feel entitled to your undying loyalty. Well, send them off to the loony bin and ensure that you are not their roommate by allowing them to make you crazy in the process. Guard your heart and your heart will take care of you. If someone cannot treat you well in a relationship, their entitlement card has expired.

We hope that these tips have helped you to understand more about being involved in narcissistic relationships.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Stop Tithing Your Sense of Value to the Narcissist (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)

Stop Tithing Your Sense of Value to the Narcissist

Genesis 28:20-22 Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.” (NIV)

            Most victims of Narcissistic (Narc) Abuse have unknowingly planted a tithe (10%) of their sense of value into the Narc’s bank account. You may ask, “What do I mean by this?” In many religious organizations today, rather right or wrong, they teach their congregants to give a tithe or 10% of their gross earnings to the church on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis depending upon their pay schedule. This is considered as being mandatory. Congregants, who fail to comply, will supposedly receive a curse by God as taught by many pastors. In other words, God’s blessings and curses are dependent upon rather you give or not give of your earnings. Similarly, the victims of narcissists have followed this same belief system in regard to their sense of self-worth.

Victims of narcissistic abuse have allowed the Narc to make them feel that they are not worthy of having feelings of completeness on their own accord and are not entitled to receive unconditional love. Therefore, they give the Narc a portion of themselves to either validate or invalidate who they are. The Narc, in other words, retain 10% shares into your sense of value and as soon as they decide to pull the rug from up under you, your stocks begin to CRASH. Narcissists let you know that you will be cursed if you do not give them the narcissistic supply that they want to receive. However, any time that you are dealing with a Narc, you are cursing yourself to their reign of terror.

Narcissists are not entitled to receive any type of tithe from you. They did not create you nor do you owe them any type of allegiance. You will notice that once you stop making deposits into the Narc’s account, your stocks will rise. Your value of self will increase. Your mind will become clear and your overall self-image will improve. It is similar to having a Black Friday sale for yourself where you give to back to yourself what was taken from you and then you move from being in the red emotionally to becoming emotionally productive in the black. Narcissists love to keep you in the arrearage emotionally, but it is never too late to get caught back up. Take inventory of your life and drop anything or anyone who is not a positive for you as you head in the right direction.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Get Help From Narcissistic Abuse (Healing from Narcissistic Abuse)


Monday, March 5, 2018, Narc Abuse No More will be airing its first official broadcast on various social media platforms to help people to heal from the effects of Narcissistic Abuse. We will broadcast every Monday and Friday on Blog Talk Radio at http://BlogTalkRadio.com/NarcAbuseNoMore at 5pm EST/4pm CST, Spreaker at https://www.spreaker.com/user/narcabusenomore, SoundCloud at https://soundcloud.com/narc-abuse-no-more, YouTube at Narc Abuse No More, and at www.NarcAbuseNoMore.com.

We look forward to you joining us where we will be discussing various topics as it relates to Narcissistic Abuse. If you have a story that you would like to share for us to read on one of the broadcasts in order to get help for your situation, please email us at: NarcAbuseNoMore@mail.com. Please let us know if you would like to remain anonymous and we will respect your request. We will send you an email to let you know that we have received your submission and as to what date it will be aired and discussed on the show.

Narc Abuse No More will be giving information from a Biblical as well as Psychological perspective, but we do suggest that if you need professional one-on-one therapy from a licensed counselor, please retain one for your individual needs. We are NOT licensed therapists and do not wish to replace anyone who may be in need of professional counseling and medicine. We are, however and evangelistic ministry that aims to help people heal through education, psychological information, and a Biblical perspective with Evangelist and Author K L Rich B.S., M.S.

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